Thursday, 19 June 2014

I'm 19! A bit of an emotional post

Hi there loves!

So you may or may not know that today is my birthday, and I can now officially say I'm 19 years old. I'm not even used to saying I'm 18, so this is going to be fun.

I've had an amazing day with my family and boyfriend. We didn't do something special today, but we went out for lunch and had pasta with salmon for dinner, yummy! And I baked a lemon coconut pie, which tasted delicious. I love relaxing days like these.

Anyway I wanted to take this opportunity to show you how much can change in a relative short time. So here we go.

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A few weeks back I had my final exams and a couple of days ago I got my results back, and I've passed!! I must say I barely made it, but grades don't matter, your diploma does. (At least, that's what I say)

To celebrate that the exams were over I went on holiday to Blanes, Spain, with a couple of my friends. We had an amazing time, relaxing on the beach, clubbing, visiting the gorgeous city Barcelona (blogpost on its beauty will be up soon), sliding down some crazy waterslides and more.

After that I've been to Belgium to go canoeing with my family, which was a lot of fun.
And next Monday my boyfriend and I will travel to Germany, where we will stay for 5 days.
Apparently June is my travelling month this year.

I will also be moving within the next two months and I'll be living in an apartment with one of my friends and a friend of his. I can't describe how excited I am to be decorating my room and living the independent college student life.

Yes, after the summer I'll be going to uni. I want to become a primary school teacher when I'm older, so that's what I'm going to learn. I'm also super excited for that.

A lot of exciting things have happened this month and are going to happen soon. My future is looking bright, but it didn't always have that brightness.

Many people doubted me, if I could pass my exams and earn my diploma. I even doubted it myself. Not because I wouldn't be smart enough, but because of my health. Just a regular one hour test already costs me a lot of energy, but the exams would take three hours and would go on for two weeks.
In my school we always have test weeks, which is one week at the end of the semester where we get all our tests (usually between 5 and 8 tests). I always miss one or even more tests, because of my health. But I couldn't miss my exams.
I've heard so many people say it would be wiser to do my final year at school in two years instead of one. But as you may know, I'm stubborn. I knew I was taking a big risk with my health, that it would be better to take it a bit slower. But I'm not the kind of person to take the slower, longer road, while every one else was just taking the normal road.

This is what people expected of me one year ago. That I was probably not healthy enough to take my finals. One year before that, expectations were even worse.

Maybe it's a good idea to explain what's wrong with my health before I continue, because not every body may know.

A couple of years back I got chronic fatigue syndrome. Like the name explains, people with this syndrome suffer from tiredness that won't go away. This tiredness is also not just normal tiredness, but exhaustion.  It also goes along with loads of different things like pains and higher sensitive senses. It basically makes getting out of bed a lot harder. Like it wasn't hard enough already.

A little over two years ago, I stopped going to school, because my CFS wouldn't allow it. I wasn't able to stand up for even a minute, or I would faint. Walking form my bed upstairs to the couch downstairs was a long journey with a much needed rest halfway down the stairs.

In a couple of months my health improved a lot, because I stopped pushing myself too much and use too much energy, which only made me feel poorer and poorer.
Exactly two years ago (still not going to school) I was struggling with an important decision.
I felt a lot healthier than the couple of months before that. But was I able to go to school again after the summer?

With the help of my mentor I was able to go to school again, but still missed a lot of days.
For me it was a big difference, a great progress.
However, other people doubted me, didn't think I could keep up and thought it would be better for me to be home schooled.
I have nothing against home schooling, but it's just not for me. I need to be amongst people. I've been locked up in my house because of my illness enough.

As you can tell, there was no telling how my future would look like, at that moment. To be honest, no one really knows what their future will look like, but you know what I mean.

Luckily, that's all in the past now.
I proved the people who doubted me wrong.
I proved them that with a good motivation, a strong will, and maybe some stubbornness you can do everything you set your mind too.
I proved them that how sad your life may look, it can change if you work for it. And this change may happen faster than you might think.

The fog covering my future has cleared.
I know I'm still not perfectly healthy and for those of you interested, my exams did ask a lot from me. I had to plan carefully so I would have enough rest every day and enough sleep at night.
But I still had to rest a lot afterwards and stayed in bed the most part of the weekend.
It is just something I need to keep in mind and all I can do now is hope one day it will all be gone.
However, to be honest, I don't mind it anymore. People find it sad, but I've learned to live with it.
I've learned to appreciate the little things, because for a while, that's all I had.

I have changed so much I can barely remember how I was as the 17 year old me. And with all the exciting things happening this year I only expect to change more.

This period of our lives, growing into adults, is one of the most important periods of your life. We'll get to know who we are, what we want and what we seek in life. We will be disappointed, but we will also be extremely happy. It is an exciting time, and I can't wait to see what my last year as a teenager will bring me.

Thank you so much for reading this post.
It honestly means a lot to me.
I love you all.


1 comment:

  1. You are so inspirational! Well done for doing your diploma even through your illness. I find it hard to get good grades, and I have no kind of illness, so I'm in awe of you. So glad you proved the people that said you couldn't wrong, and I'm so excited to read where the next part of your journey will take you!
    Liv xx

    Jottings Of Love